Giving Thanks for Open Homes & Hearts: A Q&A with One Young Family Who Said Yes to Foster Care

Simquily: Please share with us a little bit about your family. 

Parker: Chezney and I were both raised in Jefferson City, Missouri, and we met in fifth grade. (I happened to have a huge crush on her in fifth grade too.) We went to separate middle schools but reconnected during freshmen orientation at Jefferson City High School. I took way too long to ask her out as we started officially dating the summer between our freshman and sophomore years of high school. We both moved to Springfield, Missouri, to attend college, and we married in May 2015 at the end of our junior year of college. After graduating, we moved back to our hometown.

We have been married for four years and currently have three kids. Our oldest is a five-year-old Goldendoodle named Mumford. We have a beautiful daughter named V, who is two but will quickly let you know that she is almost three. And our little man, J, is nine months old. We are currently the proud foster parents to J, but we hope to close his adoption very soon.

Simquily: When did you first decide you would like to become a foster family? What were some of your reasons for choosing to do so?

Parker: We are a Christian family, and the Bible tells us to love others. From the time we started discussing what our family would look like, Chezney and I both agreed that adoption would be in the picture. We feel that loving these kiddos and adopting them into our family is a great picture of how God loves us and adopts us into His family.

But it’s hard. Parenting is the hardest thing I have ever done. Add an extra layer of difficultly to that, and you get foster care. What’s so hard about it is the unknown. With a biological child you know everything about them by heart—their eye color, what makes them upset, what they need most when they are upset, their favorite foods, what makes them unique. When a child from foster care comes into your home, you often know nothing about them, so while you are trying to piece together their past and figure out who they are, you are also trying to successfully parent them.

Chezney: We are fairly new to the foster care system, only having been licensed for a bit over one year. We are trying to learn as much as possible, and it has certainly been eye-opening. One aspect of foster care that was new, and probably the most difficult for me, was the idea that our role as foster parents is to “foster the biological parents.” We have had the opportunity to work closely with biological parents in the past. For us, this looked like going to doctors appointments together, meeting for visits twice weekly, and educating the biological parents on as much as possible (everything from carseat safety to formula preparation). We had the joy of loving on their son for a month, and then went through the bittersweet, heartbreaking moment of watching him drive away in the caseworker’s car as they were reunited as a family. I definitely feel like the impact we made on their lives was more so in our involvement with the biological parents than with their son.

Simquily: Which foster care organization are you a part of? Why did you choose this particular one?

Parker: When we decided to actively pursue foster care, we simply contacted the Missouri Department of Social Services. From there, they connected us with Central Missouri Foster Care and Adoption Association, which is the organization we got licensed through. And though we got our license from CMFCAA, we often work with other organizations in the area.

Simquily: How did you explain the idea of foster care to your daughter? How has becoming a foster family affected you as parents and as a family? Perhaps even your extended family?

Chezney: Our daughter is too young at this point to understand foster care as an entire system. In situations where the child will reunify with biological parents, we talk a lot about the biological parents. We tell her about the “mommy” and “daddy” that are working hard to get healthy, and we try to make sure she knows the child will go home once that occurs. Our first little boy went back to his biological parents after one month in our home. I packed up all the baby equipment while she napped, and she never mentioned him when she woke up. I thought, “Wow, that was easy!” A few days later, on her second birthday, she unwrapped a baby doll. When family asked her what her baby’s name was, she quickly responded with our foster child’s name, the first mention of him since leaving, and I was instantly in tears!

Simquily: How do you prepare for welcoming a child from foster care into your family? How do you prepare for the time when a child might leave your family? 

Chezney: Both of our families have been very supportive! I don’t think they knew what to expect, and to be honest we didn’t either, but everyone has adjusted nicely. When we welcomed our first placement to our home, both of our families were in our home within a few hours to greet him. I immediately felt the need to apologize—to warn them to guard their hearts, to prepare them that he wouldn’t stay with us. That’s when it first hit me that foster care was not only a decision Parker and I were entering into. We had committed our entire families to this emotional roller coaster, and we needed their support to make it through this. We were all in tears knowing that with the joy of welcoming him into our home, we were also welcoming the dread of sending him back to his biological family.

Simquily: What are some of the blessings you’ve experienced as a foster family? What are some of the challenges you’ve faced?

Chezney: The children we have had the pleasure of meeting through foster care are such a blessing! So many people talk to us as if we are the blessing, but I want every person to know that the children that find themselves in foster care are a blessing. The biggest challenge, in my opinion, are the requirements of a foster parent on a weekly basis: team meetings, court dates, therapies and medical appointments, visits with biological family or caseworker, etc. 

Simquily: It’s our understanding you are in the process of adopting—congratulations! Have you always wanted to adopt? What can you share about the adoption process when adopting from foster care? 

Chezney: We have always had the desire to adopt! From the time Parker and I were dating, we knew adoption would be in our future. We researched private and international adoptions before discovering that foster care was right for us. It’s easy to let my mind wander with each child that we get a call about—”could this child be part of our forever family?” I regularly need to remind myself that though it is the longing of my heart to keep every child we fall in love with, that is not the purpose of foster care, and we must be supportive of and work for the goal of the case. 

Like I said before, we are new to the foster care system, and this is our first opportunity to go through the process of adoption, so we are learning as we go! Luckily, there are so many wonderful people we have met along the way who have provided guidance and insight into the process. J entered our home with the case goal of “reunification.” The court ruled a few months later that the goal would be changed to adoption. In the few months since that decision has been made, our lawyer and our caseworker have been working together to draft all appropriate paperwork and get it approved so that we might schedule our adoption court date. Hopefully soon!

Simquily: With November being National Adoption Month, what words of encouragement do you have for a couple or family interested in becoming foster parents? 

Chezney: Do it! You will fall in love, you will have your heart broken, you will curse the system, you will expose your family to a lot. However, if you decide foster care is right for your family, you will have the special opportunity to learn from experienced caseworkers, provide a safe place for a child while their family works hard to improve their situation, and establish lasting relationships. You can be so important in the life of a child. You can sow seeds of worth, love, and respect. You can find your future family.

Simquily: Is there anything else you would like to share about your foster care and adoption experiences? 

Parker: With all of that being said, I wouldn’t change a thing. While I wish no child had to experience the foster care system, I am so thankful for what it has given me: a son and a family who I love so much.