The Hospitable Home

When I think of hospitality, my parents—and their home, for that matter—come to mind, for they certainly have the gift the hospitality. They love welcoming people into their home, and they do so often. We’ve even joked that their house is like a bed and breakfast that serves lunch and dinner too! 

Over the years, I’ve watched my mom and dad prepare for and host Thanksgivings, Christmases, birthday parties, meet-and-greets, game nights, bridal showers, baby showers, and the list goes on. But their hospitality extends beyond parties and gatherings. They’ve opened their home to family and friends and even acquaintances needing a place to stay—sometimes for a couple of weeks and other times for several months. And that includes my husband and I who have stayed with them not once but twice while in the middle of one of our (many) moves.

My parents’ home is an old craftsman house that was built in the 1910s. They’ve done an absolutely beautiful job of updating this and renovating that over the years, but the home’s layout (particularly the bathroom situation!) still reflects an outdated—and somewhat inconvenient—style of living, one that’s been replaced by master suites and en suites in newer homes. But here’s what I’ve discovered: hospitality is less about the home and more about the hearts of the homeowners. And it’s my parents’ hearts I admire and respect when it comes to their willingness to open their home—and their hearts—to others.

The Bible even talks about hospitality. Check out what Peter says:

Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace: whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies—in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ.
(1 Peter 4:7–11)

Over the years, as I’ve helped my parents prepare for our annual Thanksgiving and Christmas celebrations and all the gatherings and parties in between, I’ve made mental notes of what they do to prepare their home for guests and ensure their comfort during their stay. And now, as my husband and I host guests in our home, I often find myself on the phone with my mom talking through our “game plan.” She’s so good at offering advice when asked and being gentle when suggesting unsolicited advice. So, in addition to cleaning the house and going grocery shopping, here are a few extra things I try to do to show hospitality to our guests: 

1. Prepare early for our guests’ arrival. 

Whether my parents are expecting forty people for Thanksgiving dinner or a small group of friends for game night and snacks, they do a wonderful job of preparing well and preparing early for their guests’ arrival. From them, I’ve learned that when my home is ready—and, for that matter, when I am ready—then I can truly welcome my guests without having to rush back to either the kitchen or my room to finish getting ready. When I plan well and spread out my to-dos over the course of several days, I find I’m not rushing around the day of the event like a chicken with my head cut off. Then, when the doorbell rings, I can properly welcome my guests instead of saying a quick hello before leaving them to fend for themselves while I finish curling my hair or setting out food and drinks. 

2. Set out plenty of goodies to munch on. 

Never wanting overnight guests to go hungry between meals, my mom always has fresh fruit, assorted nuts, and sweets sitting out on the kitchen counter. Even when guests are encouraged to make themselves at home, some are more comfortable than others going into the refrigerator or pantry to find something to eat. Bananas, pears, mandarin oranges, and apples are wonderful fruits to have on hand. The GARNERA serving stand from IKEA is a stylish and inexpensive option for displaying fruit. (And since it’s not a wire stand, it won’t bruise the fruit.) The assorted nuts from ALDI are a wonderfully inexpensive way to offer something savory, and when it comes to sweets, homemade cookies are a wonderful option. (The bite-size brownies from SAMs are always a crowd pleaser in our family. We even like to add a bit of cream cheese frosting to the top!) Whatever you offer, your guests are sure to appreciate your thoughtfulness in offering something healthy, something savory, and something sweet.

3. Offer a sincere and personal welcome. 

At some point during a guest’s stay, my mom makes an effort tell them how much she appreciates them being there. Even when my husband, myself, and our son visit for a weekend, it makes all the difference when my mom says, “Barbara, I am so glad you all are here!” In taking the time to make such a comment and address me by name, her welcome makes me feel that much more special. 

4. Notice and remember the little things. 

Let’s be honest: all of us have our quirks! Some are obvious to the attentive host and some we share with our hosts out of necessity. No matter what those quirks might be, it’s always appreciated when a host notices and responds thoughtfully or remembers the next visit. For example . . .

When my husband and I moved to Little Rock, we knew absolutely no one. But within a couple of days, we met a wonderful couple who became instant friends. The first time they invited us to their home for dinner, they grilled steaks. We were so grateful, not only for the dinner invitation and the fellowship but also for the fancy meal. And then I cut into my steak. I’m pretty sure if given the chance, my steak would have walked off my plate! Being that person who orders her meat well done, I started to panic. How was I going to eat this gigantic piece of partially cooked meat on my plate? Is it possible to ask for it to be cooked some more without being rude? Not wanting to waste a perfectly good cut of meat, I asked if my steak could be put back on the grill and tried to make light of the fact that I usually add “just like a hockey puck” when ordering steak. I’m not sure whether that was the polite thing to do, but it’s what I did. The gracious hostess my friend is, she laughed it off, put it back on the grill, and we all went on with our meal. A few weeks later, we were invited to dinner again. Steaks! My stomach did a tiny summersault—I sure wasn’t going to ask again for my steak to be put back on the grill and risk embarrassing myself and quite possibly our friend. When it came time to sit down to eat, my friend pointed out the well-done steak on the platter, just for me. Oh, the difference her thoughtfulness made. And to this day, years later, we still laugh about that first steak dinner! 

One more example . . . 

When I was home from college on winter break, a friend of mine came to stay with our family. As we were all getting ready for bed, she asked for a clean hand towel and wash cloth so she could wash her face. I ran down to the main floor bath, grabbed a few clean towels, and brought them up to the tiny half bath that services the three upstairs bedrooms. It was such a simple request, but it’s one I remember every time a guest comes to stay overnight. And so, I place a clean washcloth, hand towel, and body towel on my guest’s bed—or, if they’re staying for several nights, I make sure they know where the clean linens are so they can get them at their convenience. 

5. Ensure the guests’ rooms/sleeping areas are comfortable. 

In the almost eight years my husband and I have been married, we have called various cities and states “home” and we have made our home in a wide variety of dwellings: our first apartment, which was incredibly old and tiny; our 1920s three-bed, one-and-a-half-bath fixer upper; a small but brand-new one-bedroom apartment; a teeny-tiny 1940s two-bed, one-bath ranch; a newer two-bedroom apartment; and now a 1980s four-bed, three-bath walkout ranch. I run through that list because no matter where we’ve lived or in what size or shape of home in which we’ve lived, we have welcomed guests for gatherings and overnight stays in every one. Setting up a card table and folding chairs in the middle of our apartment living room for a dinner party or cramming forty people into our tiny home might not be ideal, but over the years I’ve learned that we don’t have to live in a place like Downton Abbey for our guests to be comfortable and gatherings to be fun. However, certain amenities can make our guests’ overnight stays more comfortable.

• Clean sheets, two pillows per person, and an extra blanket at the end of the bed, couch, or air mattress are often appreciated. And if the room doesn’t have a ceiling fan, it’s nice to have a tower fan or something similar in the room. I don’t know about you, but trying to sleep when I’m hot is neither comfortable nor easy. If you don’t have all these extras, though, it’s okay! At times, my husband and I have slept on our decorative couch pillows just to make sure each of our guests has one pillow! (Side note: To all those who, to their spouse’s dismay, love decorative pillows—this is a practical reason to have them!) Another time, when Steele’s brother and his family of five came for a visit while we lived in our one-bedroom apartment, we put the three kids in our bedroom, my brother- and sister-in-law in our “guest” room (the dining area in which we had put a desk and trundle bed), and Steele and I slept in the living room. It certainly wasn’t ideal, but we had so much fun nonetheless!
• We also like to make sure our guests know our Internet network name and password. If you want to be crafty, you can make a little sign that hangs from a doorknob or frame a sign that sits on a nightstand. Or, there’s always the old-fashioned way: just tell your guests!