Why Can’t We Be Friends?

Several days ago, I was scrolling through Twitter when I came across a tweet that caught my attention. A woman had posted a funny “ad” for friends. Because my husband and I have moved eight times in just nine years of marriage, I have often felt the struggle of making new friends as an adult—and so I immediately connected with her tweet. But then I read the last thing she listed as one of her “musts” for her desired new friends: “No Trump Supporters.” All of a sudden, her Tweet didn’t seem as fun or as light-hearted as it started out.

Instead of scrolling up and moving on, I found myself reflecting on the friendships I’d lose and potential relationships I’d miss out on if I adopted this line of thinking. After all, isn’t it easier and more comfortable to make new friends and deepen existing friendships with people who are more similar to us than different?

My train of thought eventually brought me back to Twitter, and I remembered I was reading a tweet that was hopefully written in jest (though its sour ending might suggest otherwise). So I kept scrolling and eventually forgot about the random 180 characters I had come across that was written by someone I don’t even know.

A few days later, I received a text from a friend asking me how my husband and I were doing. My friend knows his job in politics can be quite stressful and demanding, especially the closer we get to the November elections. And so she was just checking in. I answered her question honestly, and then I made a point to thank her not only for asking but also for showing interest in what my husband does for a living. I felt compelled to thank her because 1) I’m pretty sure she and I agree on virtually nothing when it comes to politics, and 2) I was remembering that random tweet I had come across. I wanted her to know how thankful I am for her friendship despite our many differences, which includes us living hundreds of miles apart, living life in two completely different stages of life, and, of course, our vastly different political views. 

In today’s environment, which seems to be increasingly intolerant toward those whose views differ than our own, it would be so easy for my friend to overlook my husband’s profession and never ask about that part of our lives. Yet, she has always shown a sincere interest in his work and continues to wish him success—and that has always meant so much to me.

I mentioned all this to her—my gratitude for her interest and the tweet that had ruffled my feathers a bit—and her response was brilliant. She said this: “It is a really tough time for relationships with everything being so divisive, but that’s the best thing about Jesus being the center of the friendship.”

“But that’s the best thing about Jesus being the center of the friendship.” 

What a beautiful reminder. 

My husband and I talk about the importance of Jesus being the center of our marriage, but I often forget the importance of Jesus being the center of every one of my relationships: my relationship with God Himself, with my spouse, my children, my friends, my neighbors, the strangers I meet in line at the grocery store, and the people I fervently disagree with when it comes to politics. 

Jesus is the Savior of the world; the conqueror of sin, death, and the devil; the ultimate example of love for one’s neighbor—even of love for one’s enemy; and He needs to always be the center of our everything: our lives and our relationships. Yes, it’s easier said than done, but it doesn’t make it any less true or important. Because too often, when I selfishly take center stage in my relationships, that just throws everything off—and makes any relationship more difficult.

I’ve heard it said that America is more divided now than ever before—but I don’t know if that’s irrefutably true. What I do know is this: life is short, and what Jesus offers, He offers to everyone. So while we could become more divided than ever before if we continue to allow differences to deepen any division, I think we have the incredible potential to become the least divided we’ve ever been if we remember to focus on the One who truly is the center of everything, including our relationships. 

And so my prayer for myself—and for all of us, really—is that as we approach election day this November and continue on with life past elections, we allow my dear friend’s words to resonate with us. Because while it could be easy to let something like politics—as important as they are—be the answer to the question, “Why can’t we be friends?”, I hope we remember to focus on the very best thing about any relationship: Jesus and His love.