When God Says No: Reflections on Seasons of Waiting

Last night I was trying to explain to my son why I was telling him no. I’m a first-time mom, so I often find myself doing things that make no sense—things like trying to reason with a seventeen-month-old. I don’t know about you, but “no” is such a hard word to hear no matter our age. And it’s especially hard to hear when we don’t understand the why behind the oh-so-finite answer.

In this particular exchange with my son, I was telling him that he couldn’t have Puffs because I had just cut up several strawberries for him. (If you’re not sure what Puffs are, they are these tiny bites of crunchy air that come in a variety of flavors. Some kiddos like them. Others don’t care for them. Our son loves them.) And while Puffs are good, they’re not great. The strawberries I had waiting for my son, however, were incredible. I had hit the strawberry jackpot at the grocery store and scored the sweetest, juiciest strawberries we’ve had all summer. But none of that mattered to my distraught toddler as I tried to explain to him that he wasn’t getting what he wanted because I had something much better waiting for him. And that’s when it hit me.

Oh my. This is me with God.  

Talk about an unexpected reality check. 

As I tried to console my son over the loss of his Puffs, I I found myself examining my own life and thinking back to how I’ve responded when God has answered my prayers with a “no” or “not yet” (sometimes it’s not clear whether His answer is one or the other). As I reflected on my past, I realized that while I might not have literally thrown myself on the floor in protest to God’s answers to my prayers, I can definitely say my reactions weren’t always pretty. (And I can now safely say I know where my son gets his dramatic flair. Me.)

I’m being a bit light-hearted here, but the truth of the matter is this: receiving a “no” or “not yet” from God can be heartbreaking, gut-wrenching, incredibly confusing, and—depending on how we process grief—downright infuriating. To the point where we might question God’s love for us. And in those moments of grief, confusion, or anger, perhaps we direct our frustrations toward God, toward those we love most, or even toward complete strangers who have what we desperately desire: good health, a spouse, to be loved better by our spouse or to have more love for our spouse, children, grandchildren, an adoption match, a debt-free life, a safe place to rest our heads at night, a house that isn’t falling apart, friendships for ourselves or for our children or grandchildren, contentment, a happy marriage, the safe return of a loved one, a solid job, a dependable car, to not be lonely, air conditioning in the summer and heat in the winter, a grocery cart full of fresh fruits and vegetables, clothes that aren’t falling apart, a loved one to know Jesus Christ, an unshakeable faith, and the list goes on. . . . 

When God answers the cries of our hearts with “no” or “not yet,” we find ourselves in a new season of life. When the answer is “not yet,” perhaps we enter into a season of hope and anticipation, praying that God would give us the endurance to faithfully run the race He has set before us. When the answer is “no,” perhaps we enter into a season of transformation, praying that God would change our hearts and minds to accept His will for our lives and make His will the desire of our hearts. Either way, letting go of what we think is best and accepting God’s will as perfect and good is neither easy nor painless. At least it isn’t for me.   

It’s during these difficult seasons of life when I have to remind myself—and surround myself with others who will remind me as well—that God is most definitely not a liar when He says “for those who love God all things work together for good” (Romans 8:28). In the midst of trial, in realizing God has answered “not yet” or “no” to the desires of my heart, I freely admit that my heart sometimes has a hard time believing what my head knows to be true: that God loves me and He knows best, even when He says no. And it’s during these seasons of waiting when it’s especially important to remember the beautiful and encouraging truths of Scripture—and that God is batting a thousand when it comes to Him keeping His promises. 

I also can’t help but wonder. . . . Perhaps I’m praying for Puffs, and God is saying, “Just wait, my precious child. I’m preparing a bowl full of delicious strawberries just for you. I just haven’t finished cutting them up yet. ‘Be still, and know that I am God.'”